Good But Not Perfect
Ugh! I am up WAY too early on a Thursday morning writing this. I was supposed to get this done a couple days ago but then a nasty bug got a hold of my insides and tried to turn them into outsides. I was totally useless. I couldn’t even watch TV because my eyes wouldn’t focus and it hurt to try. Then, as fast as it came on, it left, leaving me weaker and behind at work. As I headed into work on Wednesday I knew it was going to be a mad dash to get back on track but we did a pretty good job of it and I hammered through a bunch of work that was fun and interesting. It was a good day and I came home to my wonderful family for a wonderful dinner.
As usual, things were good but not perfect. My youngest decided that the amazing dinner my wife made wasn’t what he wanted and cried as if his pet had died for many minutes about it on the ground. After talking him down off of the ledge I finally got him to eat which subsequently improved his mood (amazing, right??) and got him back on track. After dinner my older boy explained that he needed some help on the computer, changing some email to something for some game or something. Anyway, I sat down with him and we started following some 12 year olds advice in a Youtube Video and pretty quickly jacked everything up. My boy tried to hold it together because he knows how much I don’t like video games or fixing dumb things on the computer but as he left the room saying “It’s OK, it’s just a dumb game” he began to cry. I heard him tell Ruth how upset he was but he knew it was just dumb anyway. My selfish adult self just wanted to stand up and walk away from the screen and say “screw it. That’s what you get for playing games.” But fortunately I stuck with the problem a little longer and figured out a solution. In about 10 minutes I had everything fixed (It wasn’t a hard problem) and I asked Thomas to come back in. When I showed him that I had it fixed he was so thankful and so happy. As he hugged me I knew it was worth spending a little time helping him out, even if it wasn’t the thing I cared about.
As my wife and I laid down for bed, we were both tired and ready for sleep. Ruth said that she was done with heavy emotions for the day and I couldn’t have agreed more. I read for a bit and then headed for dream land hoping for a good night’s sleep and rest from the stress of running Highland Cycles. Well, that didn’t happen. Here I am. I did get some sleep and some break from the stress but not enough. I know you all know exactly how I feel. You are lying in bed, you have some problem weighing on you. In my case it is a business to run, but honestly all problems are really pretty much the same in the middle of the night because with few exceptions there is nothing you can do to fix them at 1 AM. Then for me I begin to pray, I ask God to help me get to sleep. Then I ask Him to take my burdens and all that stuff the Bible says He will do. Then I read some more. Then I pray again, then I go to the bathroom, then I try to meditate on my breath or whatever, then I am here. In front of this computer spilling my soul on to the “page” for the world to see.
Yeah, that is weird. But I think it is exactly what my Creator wants me to do. I have made a myriad of choices in my life that have all lead me to here and I don’t believe that is by accident. Sometimes I really wonder why I am where I am and why I didn’t make better choices earlier in life that would have made my current life much easier. Why on earth have I wasted so much money, why did I almost ruin my marriage, why did I try to start a second shop, why did I start the first shop?? If I waved a magic wand and changed all of those things would my life be better??
I don’t think so. It would be different but “better” is a slippery little word. Maybe I would have more money, maybe I would have less work stress, and maybe I wouldn’t have the wounds I created in our marriage BUT maybe I wouldn’t value my dollars and work as much, maybe I would just be punching a clock and maybe I wouldn’t feel so amazingly close to my best friend on earth. And maybe I wouldn’t be writing this Blog and reaching out to you guys. I know this is a tiny little influence in just a few lives but shedding light on what real life looks like is important in today’s glorified social media world. I hope that these looks into my messy life inspire you to keep plugging away and help you know that you are not alone! We are all struggling in one way or another!
But oh what a struggle it is and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
Thanks so much for reading my words. It means the world to me that some of you enjoy this and that it might even help a few of you. If it does, please share it with your friends.
Also if you like dirt bikes, check out my YouTube Channel Here and subscribe if you like what I do there. It is more of a look into the fun side of my life, which is pretty freaking great!
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