Ugh, I’ve been trying to tell this story in chronological order with a few diversions here and there but I feel like I have lost the reins and we are kind of drifting along and it hasn’t been all that great recently so I am going to just jump to the important stuff and then do whatever I want as we move forward. I have lots to say and lots of stories to share and I really enjoy sharing this with all of you. So here we go with another pivotal moment in my life that might resonate with some of you.
So as 2016 was winding down, I was in a bad spot again. I had started the second shop and borrowed a ton of money (over $100,000) to do it and we were hemorrhaging money faster than you can imagine. I had started drinking again and was using it as my coping mechanism to get through the stress that I had created on a daily basis. My relationship with Ruth, while better than a few years before, was rocky to say the least. I had done all of this without really consulting with her and she wasn’t really happy with my decisions. Fortunately I had a moment of clarity late in the year. On a cold December evening, I decided that SOMETHING had to change. 2016 had been a terrible year and I had to fix things or it was all coming down.
I had placed my trust back in Jesus after my affair and had been praying for years now for Him to help me get things squared away but it just seemed like I was drifting farther and farther away from Him and from any kind of help. I remember sitting in the chair I am in right now with an old fashioned in my hand and wondering why God would let me down, why He would set all this up, just to have it crash down on me. Well, I didn’t have an answer so I decided to change something that I knew I could control and something I knew wasn’t helping. I decided to stop drinking again. That’s right, I said “Again.” I had stopped drinking numerous times in my life to prove to myself that I was in control and had always had success. I would be dry for a while then decide that the experiment was over so it was time to have a cocktail. Well this time I figured I would quit for a year. If 2016 was so bad then I needed a year to try to sort things out. So… Ruth and I decided to team up and quit for a year. It would be no big deal for her because she could always take it or leave it. For me, on the other hand, it was going to be a little tougher but since I had an accountability partner in Ruth I would be more motivated. I also figured it was time to work on my weight. I had ballooned back up over 200 lbs and I needed to fix that too. These two decisions would end up being huge turning points in my life and I think that just maybe God had set all this up to get me to make those decisions.
See, I am not the kind of guy who just makes great decisions without some sort of push or pull from somewhere. I generally need some sort of crisis to get my act together. I wish that I wasn’t like that but its true. Maybe I will grow up someday and get better at that but for now it seems like God gives me just enough rope and when I am about to swing on the wrong end of it, He gives me a ladder to climb up on.
Thanks for tuning in again and I hope that it is still relevant and interesting. I promise to keep it more real and raw from here on out. I know that is what real life is like and what we all want to see. The ugly, dumb, beautiful, exciting moments of life are what its all about!
Have a great day and don’t forget to be grateful for something. For me its rain, good friends and lots of work!