I liked working on bikes!
So after my very meager start to wrenching (see last post) I began to work more and more on my bike when it needed it. A lot of this came from necessity. I didn't have the extra money to fix what I was breaking. And I was breaking A LOT!! I was beginning to ride all of the time. My climbing and other sports were losing their appeal and all I wanted to do was ride my dirt bike. My trusty TTR took me places I couldn't believe.
I remember one day, walking into a local shop and asking the owner where to go for a ride. We pulled out a map, he marked a route and I was off. That route ended up being part of what has become a ride I call the death march. I launched up into the woods with a camelbak of water, no tools and a map. I rode some of the hardest trails in the county that day all by my self and it was amazing. Now "riding" is a bit of a stretch. I pushed, pulled and lifted my bike quite a bit that day but I was undeterred. When I got home my little yamaha needed a lot of work and so I put my head down and got after it.
Over the next couple years motorcycles took over more and more of my life while I hated and hated my daily work more. I looked for every excuse to ride or leave town on some big trip. I was also working as a NOLS instructor part time and that allowed me to escape for a month at a time too. I didn't realize it at the time but I was running from life all the time and as they say, "No matter where you go, there YOU are." And my sweet and wonderful wife was suffering but I was too self absorbed to even notice.
I don't remember the exact date or trigger but one day I decided that I was going to change it all. I was going to be a motorcycle mechanic. In classic "Pre-God" Morgan fashion I made this decision completely by myself and just walked in and told Ruth that I was going back to school to be a mechanic and that I was enrolling in MMI as soon as I could. The thing is that MMI is in Phoenix, not Gunnison or even Colorado. I was going to move to Phoenix for over a year and she could come if she wanted to but I was going! Real nice Morgan. But that is who I was at the time. Selfish and disrespectful. I signed up, paid my tuition and moved to Phoenix to start a new adventure. Ruth stayed behind to take care of the house we owned and further her career.
It is so hard looking back at that decision. It was so self serving and destructive but at the same time has lead me here, where things are really working for the two of us. It is really hard to see what the over all outcome is going to be while you are in the middle of the storm. I was so clouded with frustration, depression, alcohol and anger that I couldn't see past my own problems or desires. The really rough part is that I had a lot further to go down before I found my rock bottom. It was just beginning my descent and I had no idea!
Thanks again for reading and joining me on this trip. I know its getting dark and not pretty but I think that people need to know that it is a common thing and that there is a way out! I am proof that even a fool can find real happiness if you look in the right place!
If you have any questions, comments or you have your own story you want to share, just comment below or if you want to stay anonymous just email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Have a great day and don't forget to be thankful!!!