The beginning of another slide
Hey there, thanks for coming back for another blog. I want to get back to my story of how I even ended up writing this blog. If you haven’t been following along you might want to go back and check out some of my past posts but basically, I had a major fall and am now trying to claw my way back up through all sorts of bad situations and mistakes on my part. I believe where I last left off I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and was rejecting the idea of medication and trying to get straightened out by cleaning my life up and with the help of God.
Well, I began to have some success with the plan and life began to straighten out a bit. I was working like crazy to fix all of my financial mistakes and after I hired a couple great guys, things began to turn around. We actually began to put money back into the bank and pay off some debt. I began to really focus on my health and exercise and I started to lose weight. I was riding my dirt bike and my bicycle a ton and eating right. I was feeling more stable and Ruth and I were beginning to connect again. I was so relieved that I began to let my guard down. I was still praying daily but I figured that I had everything under control so I thought I could bring cocktails back into my life. I mean millions of people have a drink and don’t have problems so why shouldn’t I? I didn’t have a drinking problem anyway, I just needed to get stuff straightened out and that was happening. So Ruth and I started up our cocktail hour traditions again and everything seemed great.
I was back down to fighting weight and I was loving it. It was winter and I was riding my fat bike a ton at night after I got the kids to bed and I remember seeing this cool flask holder that bolted up under the seat of the bike. It seemed like there were a ton of alcohol-related bicycle accessories and a lot of riders drank a lot so it must be the thing to do right?? I mean I was burning a ton of calories every night on the bike so having a drink (or 3) wouldn’t hurt anything? I began to load up my flask with Irish Whiskey (my favorite by the way) before rides and I would pedal like hell uphill for an hour or so, take a break and then drink whiskey all the way home. Needless to say, I wasn’t in tip-top shape when I got home. It was usually late by this point and Ruth would be asleep so I would pour myself another cocktail and sit down in front of the computer to do some “work”.
I would start off by actually working on things I needed to do but eventually, it would deteriorate into just screwing around on the internet. I figured I had worked hard all day, worked hard on the bike and I deserved some “me” time. Eventually, I would wander into our room and pass out. Morning would come early and I would get up and go back at it again. I never really had a problem with hangovers in the morning so I thought that everything was going great right?
Thanks again for reading along with me. It really means the world to me that so many of you read and respond to these posts. I call the blog “I still don’t know what I’m doing” because I really don’t. I just know that writing is something I am really enjoying doing right now (whether I am good at it or not) and it seems that my stories are touching some lives in a positive way. If you are enjoying these, please share them around and help me reach out to as many people as I can. I know that a lot of you don’t want to do that on the socials and I understand. Not everyone wants to be as public as I am. You can just copy and paste the URL above into an email or a text if you know someone who might need to know they aren’t alone.
Enough shameless promotion, thanks again for reading and here is what I am grateful for today.
Highland Cycles and all of its challenges. 2. My amazing wife and her patients. 3. My silly, loving boys!
If you feel like it, comment what you are grateful for below or post what you are grateful for with the hashtag #istilldontknowwhatimdoing on your social media!